In the Front car

For the second day in a row Jen had severe pain and nausea issues in the morning. The downturn has caught me off-guard. We previously believed Jen and the kids could manage the day without someone here. The last two nights and mornings have proven otherwise. Jen talked to the oncology nurses about her changing symptoms, and they instructed her to get into the ER to rule out any immediately serious issues.

So, Jen and I spent the afternoon and evening in the Froedtert ER. Fun...real fun.

After waiting 3.5 hours just to get into a room at the ER, they did a chest x-ray, a full blood panel, and administered some serious pain killers. The result? They diagnosed that it was probably due to the cancer, convinced she won't die in the next 24 hours, and she should follow-up with Dr Santana as soon as possible. Wow. Super job guys. I realize your goal is to scan for immediate threatening conditions and shuffle people out.... But Seriously?

In any event we already have a rapidly scheduled appointment with DR Santana tomorrow for Jen's changing symptoms. My guess is they'll order a full set of ct and scans. I hope that's the case because we will have some evidence that the treatment is either working or not working. Otherwise we'll have to wait until the 23rd which was when the scans are supposed to be done. I don't want to wait that long.

The mental toll of this is beginning to show in Jen. She's beginning to break down emotionally, like I do when I'm alone. Evenings and mornings when we're alone are getting tough. Questions of why, what ifs, and the unfairness of it are common. I'm trying to be a rock about it and lift her up but it's difficult.

I've always liked to ride in the front car of roller-coasters. Once the bar comes down, there's nothing more you need to, or can, do. Up, down, whatever, you're on it until it gets to the end. You have so little input, you can close your eyes and raise your hands, and the outcome is the same. Holding on does nothing to affect the outcome, only your experience during the ride. It's so diametrically opposed from my normal "quantify and control" nature it teaches me that life is going to happen... regardless of what I think or want. 

The roller coaster seems to be going downhill for now. And we're definitely in the front car.