2:00am No sleep, just tears

Its 2am. I got a couple hours of sleep before waking up in the middle of the night. Jen had gotten up to take her meds. The enormity of her situation hit me like a ton of bricks. I laid there in tears for a while before giving up getting back to sleep and came downstairs. So here I am. Alone, afraid, watching stupid tv keep my mind from running wild with worst case scenarios and sobbing uncontrollably. Is this what I have to look forward to? I want to wake her up to talk but she needs to sleep. If we're in our last days I want to spend it all awake together but she needs to sleep. This is a hell that no one should have to go through. Please God, please let her live.