It all seems so surreal. To think that I could be losing her right now. When she's on the pain meds it's easy to think its not that bad. She's functioning just fine. But then you remember how much she sleeps and how much pain killer she's on. And the world starts to crumble again.
I feel like such an ass always asking myself "how am I going to get through this". I'm not the one dying. She's got it the toughest.
Ordered bracelets and the cancer resource book from livestrong today. Hopefully it provides some guidance and hope for all of us on this journey.
What's really surprising is how risk averse I've gotten. I'm not sure how healthy it is but I suddenly want to remove all the risk possible from my life... No more motorcycle. No more alcohol. Even the thought of not going deer hunting has crossed my mind. I am beginning to believe that I'm going to be the only one left for the girls, and therefore have to play it safe from here out.
No comments:
Post a Comment